I have been in a lot of mess lately. I’ve been in and out of issues. And all I can say is it’s tiring!

Although during these issue-filled summer, I’ve learned more than anything on how to deal with gossip. 

Here’s my realizations and lessons on dealing with gossip.

1. People can always switch sides no matter how close

You might have a loyal set of acquaintances that you seemingly talk to daily or even have a number of trusted friends that you spill everything to. Those people, no matter what you’ve been through or done for them, it won’t mean a thing.

A dedicated person against you can be convincing to forget what you’ve been through with your favourite person. Sadly, the only way you can deal with the change a person responds to you is to simply ignore it.

However, I love every person in my life. I value them so much that I go beyond ignoring and say sorry. I leave it up to them whether or not they accept it or continue believing a story against you. 

Let’s say the person has chosen leave your side and told your sentiments about things and people. What then? Never hate them for leaving. Remember their good side because extra hate won’t do you any good. Despite fighting back or pushing for your innocence, silence is your bestfriend. It just shows you who is worth trusting the next time around. 

And yes – they will come back but be smarter this time around. 

2. You spoke too soon. Now it got to that someone.

We always go on rants against people or ideals. There are people who could have wronged you and you lashed out. Don’t be too sure it will remain within those you spoke to about it.

What to do? It’s either you apologize, ignore or accept the fact that it’s out of the open. You can never undo what you have said nor can you control how that person will respond. 
You can only prevent that from happening again by keeping your mouth shut. You can choose to discuss with the right people… your constant. 

A constant is your life partner, a family member and tested trusted comrade. You can never go wrong with people you know who would take a bullet for you or give you that tough love when you’re too prideful to admit your mistakes. 

Those people you can talk to but never just spill it to anyone. In the end, as I’ve learned this being the receiver of the bad issue against me, that it always come out in the open.

So better yet –  calm down, think twice and speak less. If it’s too much, choose to speak to your “constants” because everyone else will just pass the message.

3. You have to accept that you can never please everyone.

My biggest flaw is that I always am affected when someone is disappointed at me, spoke ill of me or just basically, destroyed me to someone else. I have a passion for people and sometimes, whether its the slightest change in behaviour or the most absurd story against me, I cry.

I have a weak heart. I hear so many stories about me lately and it breaks my heart. At first, I chose to respond by opening up to people about what’s been happening in my life and to rant about those people who have spoken against me. 

It just backfired. I have always seem to forget points number 1 and 2. I ended up hurting myself again in a cycle of I said, they said. It never ends. You’ll be caught in a game you never wanted to play in.

I tried to my constants but sometimes, it’s never enough just to hear them at your side because it will never stop bothering you. 

My beau, 4 years younger than me, had listened and heard my side but played the devil’a advocate. He showed me people will speak no matter what your side is and you can never please them. It looks bad on your end especially if that one person is a certified gossip expert.

So what did I do? I kept my opinions to myself. I always sought out to good and ignored the issues. People can speak ill of you but it doesn’t mean they won’t get a dose of their own medicine.

So your best bet is to keep mum about what you’ve heard or been told because you shouldn’t waste words on people who deserve your silence.

4. Help when asked and not volunteer to fix things. 

My goal in life is world peace. I’m ridiculously and advocate of fixing the people around me, their issues and even offering a hand to the best I can. And even if I have good intentions, it gets me in the middle of issues. 

I cried about these for the past few weeks because of issues sourced from someone I rarely speak to. It hurts me so much when all I wanted to do was help. 

I was judged by my actions and completely destroyed by that one individual. Sorry from that person was enough for me to let it go but never was it enough to repair the damage.

My learned lesson for this is to never try to help voluntarily. People will ask when they need you and all you can do is support them. Go with the flow and catch them when they fall.

Their battles are their own. You may have your opinions, knowledge and screenshots but they can only decide for themselves. Stay neutral and let them be. 

If you want to fix something, fix yourself. That’s the only thing you can fix without having to push people’s buttons or in my case, be a source of issue.

I’ve now accepted the challenge to shred the weight and stay positive despite the past weeks of issues here and there.

5. Ask and Verify. Never be quick to judge or believe.

I was on a receiving end of this. I was terribly hurt by rumors against me and I guess it’s a normal thing when your circle of friends get bigger. 

What do you do then? If you’re like me, I went straight to the person. I asked and verified. I heard two sides and basically, I did not think twice about it later on. However, its damage runs deep and perhaps, I felt betrayed.

My personal advise is to cut to the chase and go directly or better yet – ignore and let others figure out if it’s true. There’s no point on ranting and rallying against those individuals who gossiped about you. It’s been said and it’s up to those around you if they believe it. (See point 1)

6. Focus on your success and mind you own business.

Hardest thing to do when there is gossip around you is to be part of it. Please save yourself the trouble and just walk away from it. As they say, people who gossip have boring lives and have nothing to do.

Be busy. Work three jobs or go to the gym. Travel to tell, not tell because you can’t travel. I decided to let go and let others judge me while I hustle. Took more projects and despite losing much people to trust from the damage of gossip, I gained more cash to spoil myself. 

Money can’t buy happiness but a new macbook and iphone can get you distracted.  Don’t you think? A short break in Palawan would relax your mind wouldn’t it? There is so much more to enjoy than to worry about petty things.

Another temptation is to defend yourself. You don’t need to. Really. You never have to keep sharing your story and earn sympathy because in 10 years, I don’t think people who matter will remember nor will you care about what’s been said 5 years later.

There’s always another person who will break your image but for people who know you, your image is unbreakable. They know you in and out. Let those who gossip you go on about you because while they are spending so much time on who you are – you’ll be too busy at the gym breaking a sweat.

#FitnessGoals can be your business. Minding your own issues is better than worrying about their bad business about you. If they’ve gone too far, there’s always a lawyer. You do know in the Philippines that slander can put people in jail.

So let them be and be focused on getting better. Stay positive and pretty much laugh at the fact that they know you more than your mom knows you. Be so busy that your success makes more noise than their gossip. 

7. Appreciate genuine people, accept your flaws and pray.

I have a list of Bible verses on my notes. Its’ my go to when I’m feeling down or alone in my battle against gossip. I read them everyday knowing that the Lord’s got my back. I have faith that God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers.

I have faith in that and I believe that I’m lucky in Him. It keeps me going and I carry with me that confidence that God will always be there despite him revealing my mistakes and showing me the right path to take and the right people to keep.

Rumors and gossip can be a reality check as well and a wake up call whether you as individual have to fix something about yourself. These past weeks really taught me a lot and these lessons are the ones I’ve listed above.

I’ve realized that there are a very few people in your life who are worth keeping. You may have a thousand acquaintances but very very few friends worth keeping. So be grateful for those who stay despite the chaos. Those are your kindred spirits – your people for life. 

I’ve written this blog entry to help me heal. So much issues have risen and its been painful for me to let go of my prejudice about people who are the cause of my pain. 

To anyone reading this, I hope this guide helps you on how to deal with gossip coming from a person whose healing from its damage. 

Do remember that it’s never the end. Never hold on to what stresses you and just learn form it. People come and go. We shouldn’t expect them to stand by your side when all hell breaks loose. So let them be. 

Choose to forgive and let go. Keep repeating points 6 and 7. Always remember that gossip isn’t worth stressing over. You either get bitter or better… choose the latter.