LADIES & GENTLEMAN! The recipe for big breasts is: AVOCADO SHAKE- ½ avocado, 3 tablespoons of milk and 3 tablespoons of sugar. Drink twice a day- morning & night.

According to my mom, I had started drinking it at the age of 5 twice a day until I was 6 or 7 and since then, my breasts never stopped growing until I turned 21.

When I started elementary, I was a size 36 cup a. When I reached grade 4, I was a size 36 cup b. When I entered high school, I was a size 36 cup c. Then when I graduated high school, I was a 36d. When I finished college, I was a size 36 dd and still am.

It’s not as lovely as you think. Because of it, I l slouch while I walk, I can never find nice clothes that fit me, I have no sizes anywhere in the Philippines , I look and feel fat, I can never run fast, I get the wrong kind of attention and I can never get people to look at my face first.

I’ve had nicknames: booba, papaya, ruffa mae, ella v and the worse that I’ve heard-aboobilog. If people were to describe me, it would be like: “AH- yung malaki ung boobs.” It was never anything else.

Guys I’ve dated- I made sure was never after my boobs. I usually got the guys who liked butts. Thankfully, I had been given with a cute hump that shapes just right. When I found out that some men just found my boobs interesting than what was I all about, I was completely turned off and backed away.

I think it was summer of 2003 that I had lost weight due to typhoid & dengue at the same time shrunk my waist to a size 23. I was a double c then. When I would walk in front of CSB and DLSU Taft, I would get these awkward stares from men as well as manongs and manangs on the street. That time, I wasl fondly called BETTY BOOB.
I gained back the weight as I started eating normally. Then it was summer of 2007, I had recently broken up with Christian that I had shrunk my waist to a size 23. I was then nicknamed by some as “Heavenly Body.”

After a few months, I had put on some pounds that I lost my heavenly body status and had become a SUN, so big and bright (HAHA). Then, it was February of 2008- to impress a guy (Jad)-after a 3 month diet without rice that I went back to a size 24 and was now a dd- as I would like to call it “WORLD CUP”.

Sooner or later during my relationships, it was becoming a trophy. When my boyfriend’s friends would congratulate them for being with me, it would be like “Wow, pare, ang laki ng boobs ng girlfriend mo,” “Ang ganda ng future niya,” or “Ang swerte mo pare- ang laki.” I was flattered that it was an easy way to attract men but really, it degraded who I really was.

I never really did like it that I was known for my boobs rather than the many things there is about me.

Back then, Jad would always joke around that if it weren’t for my ass, he wouldn’t have looked at me. I was pleased. The whole point that I liked about dating amboys was that they were used to big boobs. It wasn’t a big deal.

I was thankful that the men that I chose liked also- besides my boobs- the way I forgot titles of songs, the way I would easily get a 100 in my tests, how I could makes essays less than 10 mins, my childlike sweetness, the way I switch to a high pitch tone to lambing, the way I smiled exaggeratedly, or how I spoke and taught psychology to them.

Whatever it was- it wasn’t all about the boobs.

After every heart break- I had define myself as an easy girl. I believe I’m the easiest girl to fall in love and give my all. Then, I was shattered in an instant- the easiest to leave behind. It depressed me and I had imagined how stupid I had looked many times over because of this.

Boobs, brains or beauty never did matter when a man decides to leave.

It was Junee, my best friend that comforted me those times and told me a beautiful thing: “It’s not that you’re the easiest girl, it’s because you’re the most wonderful among them. It’s just that they are still boys to see that.”

After my recent break-up with his brother, he reassured me that it wasn’t because I was a terrible person or anything like that- although I did have my share of mistakes. It was because boys will always pick what looks good or better at a given moment. He told me that a few men miss real great women because they fail to see what’s inside and become too impatient before they see these women in full bloom.

(BTW, Junee happens to be single and if you’re interested- call me. Haha.)

When I got home from my talk with Junee, I had checked on my mom whether she drank her meds. I stayed with her in her room and chatted with her a bit about love. Tears fell as I shared my pain, and my mom laughed at me and said- “You have dds and you’re worried no one will like you?”

It was an odd response to an already emotional daughter crying her heart out. I had given her –you know you’re mean- look. She looked back at me with this ‘Do I have to explain’ look. Then she cleared her throat and elaborated what she had meant:

“You were asked out by college boys when you were 13 thinking you were 18. When you were 16, you were asked out by guys in their late twenties who thought you were 25. Then it went backwards when you started dating in college. You dated men who were immature enough to be back in high school. Now that you’re working, you’d probably find a guy just right for your age.”

I started to laugh. My mom has weird but profound thoughts and I love it. These profound thoughts didn’t end there. She continued on how to use my boobs wisely:

“You know- when I am with you, I see all the men stare at your chest. Find the one who looks at your eyes when you talk to him. Find the guy who looks at your mouth when you’re talking. Find the guy who looks at what you’re doing to help you do it better. Find a guy who looks at everyone who looks at your chest and tells them to back off. Find a guy who looks at you and checks if you need anything or if you’re alright. Find a guy who stares at you from a far and waits for your smile. That’s when you know you’ve found the right one, Anak.”

I smiled at her as she ate her apple pie. She was a simple woman with a simple way of looking at things. Easier to understand and easier to comprehend, it’s perfect especially when I can’t really comprehend any advice for the past few days.

With all that she is, my mother taught me something truly beautiful about love.

When every man looks at what your assets are, whether it is your legs, your boobs, your butt or whatever it is, there would be just one man who would look beyond all of that. He may be a part of your life or he may come only after a series of mismatches. But when the timing is right- you’ll find that man you will be spending the rest of your life with. Because probably, as Junee has explained me, that boy who you were destined to be forever in love with has grown up to become a man who will see you as the most wonderful one amongst all that he has met and will ever meet in his life time.

Amazed and enlightened with my realization, I looked at my mom proud that she had taught me such a motivating and inspiring lesson. I was supposed to thank her but I joked instead, “What if they’re blind, ma?”

She answered with yet another profound thought:

“That’s love because love is blind.”

* and the same man who broke my heart came back… love is sweeter the second time around. 🙂